The death of an actor I never met has effected me far more than I thought it would.
My six o'clock client came in with the news and I was stunned. How old was he? How did it happen? How could someone seemingly on the top of his game slip away? I guess these are the hows that are always asked when someone so gifted and so young passes.
When I awoke this morning I wanted to go down to Lafayette and Broome and pay my respects. After confirming the address I went to a Soho flower shop and bought a beautiful potted tulip. I carried it to the address he last called home and placed it next to a slowly growing pile of flowers, candles and even a cowboy hat with his face etched on the front.
There was a small mob of TV reporters and journalists camped out front, and I saw more than one camera recording me leaving a token of my affection for the actor as I walked away. A television reporter asked me to comment and I did, feeling myself becoming increasingly emotional as I told him how indebted I felt to Ledger for being brave enough to play Ennis Del Mar. Many would have, and I am sure did, turn down the role for fear of what it would do to their careers. Ledger took it and of course it made him an A-list performer, where formerly he had been little more than a coverboy. I felt tears welling in my eyes, and when I got to the corner, I paused and caught my breath.
Two more reporters approached me, one from the Post and I am not sure where the other was from. I expounded on what I told the man with the camera, telling them what a loss this is to everyone, but especially sexual minorities.
Ledger, along with the rest of the cast and crew created a work of art. But beyond that, they set people free. From the time the film came out I heard stories of men who saw the film and soon after told their girlfriends, their families, their wives the truth about who they were. Brokeback Mountain brought the gay struggle into the homes of people who had never given it a thought. It made people think, it made them reconsider who they were, and few of us will ever have that sort of impact on others.
Thank-you so much Heath for giving me, and the rest of us, that gift. I feel the tears in my eyes again...
Brokeback was such a powerful film and I think I saw it in the theater three times. I never saw it on DVD as I did not want to trivialize its effect and message. But I think this weekend I am going to call a friend or two and have a screening...and talk about the man who is no longer with us.
